Every comedian seems to pull their material about New Jersey out of a really old barrel of unfunny stuff, and a lot of writers not from here write thins about the Jersey Shore that just aren't true.

I am getting pretty sick and tired of hearing the same old retreads over and over again about us , so once and for all I want to set the record straight about some things that we don't say or do here at the Jersey Shore that everybody thinks we do say or do. Here we go.

We do not say "Down the Shore". I have been living at the Jersey Shore for decades and I have never uttered that phrase, not once. Have you? You may 'go to the beach' or 'go to the boardwalk' or you may "hit Belmar", but you don't leave your house to head "down the Shore". Not if you live in Monmouth & Ocean Counties.

We don't always say the whole word Avenue. Sometimes we say for instance Ocean Ave. That's not an abbreviation. It's "OH - shun ave". If you live hear you can drop the 'enue'. It's silent. It's true. Ask anybody on Shrewsbury Ave. They'll tell you.

We don't smell, and neither does most of the state. I get it. There is a smell on the turnpike near the airport, and maybe a few other spots, but let's be real. Some comedian once got off a plane at Newark, took a whiff and figured he had a great opening line for that night. And then every out of town comedian for the next 50 years copied it and the rest is unfunny comedy history.

Maybe the proper pronunciation IS Caw-fee. Just because 49 other states say it the other way, that doesn't mean it's right. I don't want a cup of Cah-fee. That doesn't sound strong enough. Give me a good ole cup of Caw-fee any day of the week.

Stop saying we say Joy-zee. Everybody who has never been here thinks we say we live in Joy-zee. There isn't a human being in the history of the state who says it or has ever said it that way!! i don't know where it started, but I do know it needs to end. Now!

I could go on and on, but I'm not going to.I don't really have the time. I'm actually heading down the shore with a cup of cah-fee. I'll know I'm at Ocean Avenue when the smell goes away. I love Joy-zee.

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