A Jersey Shore Guide To Complaining About The Weather
Let's be honest, complaining should be an Olympic sport here in the Garden State, and we're never better at it than when we're complaining about weather.
It doesn't matter what the weather is, and it doesn't matter how much we recently said we wanted conditions just like the ones we have, we use every ounce of our complaining creativity to twist it into a problem.
We thought we'd put together a Garden State Guide To Always Being Able To Complain About The Weather. Here you go..
When it's cold. Easy one...just say you wish it was warmer. Then when it gets warmer, complain about global warming, then when it gets colder, complain about how cold it is and throw in the price of heating for good measure, and when it snows complain about the roads and threaten to move to Florida.
When summer won't start. Complain about the cold temperatures. Complain that you can't plant your garden or finish your spring cleaning, then when it gets hot, immediately complain about how you can't get anything done because of the humidity.
When we get a heatwave. Completely disregard the five previous months during which you complained about the cold, and quickly start to moan about how the heat will never end. Also, throw in a complaint or two about how expensive it is to keep the AC on, and threaten to move to Canada.
When it rains. Complain about how it always rains when you make plans and there's never a dry day in New Jersey, then when it clears up, start complaining about how your lawn is turning brown and how you never know what the water restrictions are in your town.
When it's summer. Complain about the heat, the humidity and your hair. Say you're never spending another summer in this state, and say you can't wait for winter.
When it's winter. Complain about the cold, the wind, and your dry skin. Say you're never spending another winter in this state, and say you can't wait for summer.
And we all know that doesn't even cover everything, but at least it's a start. So let the practicing begin! Well, maybe today;s not a good day to start. It's just too humid to practice!
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