Inventions men need to be created now

Every couple of months I like to “borrow” something from Men’s Health, a magazine I subscribe to but often have trouble relating to. This month’s
“Guy List” was a feature on inventions we need NOW. I’ve selected my ten favorites:

• Plasma screens on the back of big trucks so we can catch the game when stuck in traffic.

• The spoiler block. Until you’ve watched the game or episode, all texts, tweets and posts are scrubbed along with those crawls on the bottom of your screen.

• Singles-only jury duty. Throw in a bowling alley and all of a sudden you will have waiting lists. “Your honor, we need to be sequestered.”

• Fitted sheets with directional arrows.

• Exchangeable first-aid items. You know how you always have the wrong size Band-Aids left? You could trade them in for what you need.

• A DVR that can pick up rain delays and overtimes. Nothing worse than coming home and realizing you missed the game-winning touchdown.

• Short-term memory app. Records your day and reminds you if you took your vitamin in the morning. As a follow-up, my wife often leaves me notes about things I need to do. I usually put the note in my pocket and forget about it until I take my pants off that night. In other words, I never did what I was supposed to do.

• Automatic parking garage spot locator.

• Express lane at the doctor’s office. When the 5-minute buzzer goes off you are done. That would really move things along.

• High-beam brake lights for the SOB who is tailgating. Actually I would prefer something more aggressive but I’ll take the high-beams for now.