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10 Commandments of the Beach

As you probably know summer arrives tomorrow so that can mean only one thing….it’s timed to roll out my rules of beach etiquette.

Seaside Heights boardwalk
Seaside Heights boardwalk (

These are the ones that should be posted throughout the Jersey Shore and one of these years I’m going to get cards made up and hand them out. Sure much of this is common sense but we know there is a genuine lack of that everywhere and the white sands are no exception. Us locals and visitors alike should live by my 10 beach commandments and feel free to quote me on these:

1. This is not Coney Island so seek space between yourself and those nearby. Its one thing to “love thy neighbor,” it’s another to sit right on top of them.

2. Do not bring your backyard lounge chair to the beach. It’s probably too heavy to carry, makes you stand out for all the wrong reasons and was made for your backyard only. At the same time don’t wear socks with sandals.

3. Wear a bathing suit that fits your body not the model in the ad that sent you to the store to buy it.This rule goes for both women and men as gravity does things to us as we get older so before you head out in that bikini or Speedo take a long look in the mirror.

4. Learn how to operate a beach umbrella, especially on windy days. Make sure the base is dug in well, angle the umbrella into the wind and keep it as low as possible.When it takes off like a javelin and nearly kills someone don’t laugh and put it back in the sand the same exact way.

5. The beach is a family place but when your unattended children walk over my blanket, knock down my cup of coffee and kick sand in my face can you do more than just smile.

6. I’ve never been able to figure out the digging thing, especially with fathers and sons. However if you want to spend hours digging holes with shovels please fill them in when you are done so nobody falls in one.

7. Please place disposable diapers in a bag and throw them in a garbage can promptly.

8. For some reason guys who never play football bring one to the beach and insist on tossing it around in the middle of people.Unless your last name is Manning restrict your throwing and catching to open space.

9. Don’t argue with the lifeguards…they know the water conditions just a bit better than you. Plus when they do have to rescue you don’t lie to them and say you’re a great swimmer and just wanted to get a better look at the shoreline from far away.

10. Enjoy your time at the beach…just as importantly don’t ruin it for others.



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